Llao Llao Hotel & Resort Golf Spa

We were two couples staying for four days, and what a strange place Llao LLao is. We stayed in one of the new(ish) suites in the Morano block, whilst are friends were in the main hotel. If I had been staying in their room, I would have checked right out. The room was old, small and the bathroom clearly not renovated for decades. Our suite was much better - great lounge, bathroom and bedroom, and hard to find any fault with - with amazing lake views and a big balcony. But I was paying almost three times what our friends were - which was insanely expensive, even for a good room. The activities were good, we had fun at Archery and enjoyed the Canoes. A Boat trip was $700, and although we had a lovely time with a great crew, it was way too expensive. We also enjoyed the pool - despite some of the wind. The problem here is two things (other than the un-renovated main hotel); the food and the need to nickel and dime everything (yes-including water if you have more than your one bottle of day - a little odd when you are paying over $1500 a night!). The Patagonian restaurant was simply revolting, so we were stuck with the soulless Argentinian one, which in fairness had some great meat - but has the atmosphere of an abandoned cruise ship. I suppose we should have rented a car to go out and about to eat - a lesson for other guests. This could be a great place, but just spend some money on the main hotel and stop trying to charge for everything!

I do not normally write reviews, nor do I typically read them. I avoid people on the internet who complain too much about too little. A broken hot tub, expensive wine list, or disaster of a meal? These things happen, even at a 5-star hotel. Negative reviews often leave me disappointed in my fellow travelers and how we fail to show grace and understanding that we are half way around the world. That is why I have never been inspired to write a hotel review until staying at the Llao Llao Hotel this past week. When the Llao Llao Hotel was originally constructed in 1938, it was a masterpiece. Beautiful wood architecture, white glove service, and elite hospitality. It burned down the following year, only to rebuild and reopen the entire hotel by 1940. My recommendation is to repeat history: burn it down and start fresh. Except this time with new ownership. Our family stayed in the $1800/night cabin - a 1970s time capsule which leaves no illusion why Llao Llao has never built a second cabin. The furniture is from the original 60s construction; the “working” AC is non-functional; the twin bed sheets are a plastic blend which allow you to experience life as a shrink wrapped deli meat, sweating in a grocery store that lost power. You may be thinking, grow up. This is Patagonia! Who wants to stay in a cabin anyway. It’s just a bed! So we sweat through unpacking and quickly hurried to begin what became the most arduous task of all in Bariloche. Not hiking Mount Moreno, fly fishing Limay, or white water rafting: The hardest part of our journey was actually getting a drink at the alleged 5-star Llao Llao hotel. This mislabeled, outdated chateau houses 850 guests in 424 rooms with 9 elevators, 4 restaurants, and 127 mountain bikes available for rent. They also have one reception area bar with 1 bartender servicing the entire hotel, even during peak hours. This does make 9pm dinner easier. You arrive for a cocktail at 7pm, enjoy the free olives and chips at 7:30pm and close the check on your first round at 8:30, without ever having to take a sip. The staff will then grumpily remind you, gratuity is not included and it must be paid in cash. In that way, Llao Llao has a funny knack at making you wonder if you’re being ridiculous. You start to wonder, do I really need a gin and tonic? After questioning your vacation mindset long enough, you decide that you’re being ridiculous. You’re just hungry. What follows is the same, regardless of which of the 4 restaurants you choose. You walk in and sit down, everything is normal. With gorgeous mountainscape views, you may even feel some charm. Napkins and silverware arrive, along with a QR code menu, but hey, we survived Covid and were saving the trees. You try to remind yourself that you are in a 5-star hotel. You swear you are being picky or spoiled when it takes a half hour to get a wine list, and you wonder if there’s something wrong with your palette when you take your first bite of food. At the altitude of Bariloche, perhaps you are on an airplane; maybe you just paid for a gourmet snack box on a domestic flight to Indianapolis. Then you realize you’re paying $80 for a salad bar which is just that, or $20 for an empanada which would embarrass the hotel staffs mothers. Or maybe you bought the $100, 400g skirt steak and experience beef without salt or seasoning for the first time. You start to wish you had brought the family dog, not to eat the leftovers, but to eat your entree after the appetizer left you questioning the tastebuds of Argentina. But beyond the inhospitable lodging, exceptionally poor service, acute lack of English speaking staff, outrageously undeserved NYC- level pricing, and food that would be better served in a dog kennel, what you realize is that Llao Llao is located in such a beautiful part of the world, and Patagonia is stunning. Anything that isn’t beautiful during your stay, is the fault of Llao Llao, not the natural landscape. And with hundreds of hotels to choose from, this place is not deserving of a single dollar, peso or yuan. Llao Llao hotel is better fit for a back of the woods, highway hotel, visited by long-haul truckers who bring their own booze and order pizza to the room. The hotel exists solely from its location and history. The natural beauty of Bariloche can be found in dozens of more luxurious places at a fraction of the cost. It’s a decent 3 star hotel to go with a couple college friends who enjoy fishing and are tired of Bariloche’s backpacking accommodations. It simply is not close to the caliber of a 5 star hotel anywhere. El Casco Art Hotel is closer to the airport, offers modern rooms, and I will carry the regret and shame of not rebooking there after a visit 6 years ago. While I believe that the natural course of market forces should drive Llao Llao out of business, I would not be disappointed if the hotel meets the same fate it did in 1939, and burns to the ground one off season, to make way for something - anything - better.

The views are spectacular. This review is not about that. It is about the service/price ratio. If you would like to pay $60 for a bagel with cheese and salmon that takes 45 to 60 minutes then be my guest. If you would like to wait 40 minutes before someone acknowledges your presence in the lobby bar then go for it. The breakfast Buffet is great because you get it yourself. Solid. The sushi bar has a great view which is great, because we have sat here for 35 minutes to get water and are now on 45 minutes to get our food. Which is sushi and doesn’t need to be cooked, for Pete’s sake !! We could live with this if the prices were not crazy high. Now, we expect high prices in a place like this. But we also expect a level of service that matches the price. This part of the resort was sadly sadly lacking.

The setting is beautiful. The main lodge is impressive but not luxurious—lots of commotion, slightly tired looking. We had a large room far from the main lodge. It had a wonderful view and huge balcony. It was quiet and felt private despite being one of many large rooms. The room was definitely a bit worn, but the view and peaceful atmosphere made-up for it. Dinner at the upper level restaurant wasn’t noteworthy.

First we will say that the place and nature is wonderful, it's easy to just let everything flow away. And the weather was just wonderful. The room had a Lake and mountain view, and you can never have enough of that scenery. The room was ok, not big but enough. No kettle to make coffee or tea. The strange and not good enough from a 5* hotel is that there is not one bottle of water, includet in the room every day. We needed to pay 6.5 US dollar for every water bottle. We have been travelling a lot and now sins 22nd of September, and in every hotel, including Buenos Aires, we have 1 bottle of free water every day. We told the reception, as always they say we are sorry and will take it up with management...but we dont think anything will change if guests are not complaining. And 18 US dollars a day pr peron as a tax, just to walk around in the hotel..sorry LLao LLao, its to bad.